Strange News by Bradley Zang
Ever since Bobby Fischer defeated Borris Spassky to win the world chess
title in 1972, some have alleged that a Yugoslavian chess player and inventor Nikola Telsa's idea of creating an energy beam
weapon came to fruition.
Even Spassky is rumored to have claimed he was being subjected
to a Confusion Ray. Clearly since the FBI seized Tesla's papers after his death in 41 and has not released their content it
It sounds far fetched but respected scientists like Dr. Ross Adey,
formerly of the Brain Research Center at University of Southern California has theorized one can induce behavioral changes
if one imposes environmental fields that look like an electroencephalogram.
A recent Study by the University of Zurich has shown Electro Magnetic
Fields from cell phones can enhance the intensity of the brain's electrical signals.
One more thing; rumors about a school of chess devoted to the use of
astrology and dating back to the time of Alexander the great, in what was Yugoslavia, have abounded, since the 1952 discovery
of the mysterious Sarajevo Manuscript in a Moslem household in that city.
The manuscript is believed to be a copy of a document dating to 897.
With this background, let Ismael Musemic of Bosnia tell his story. "First
let me thank you for hearing my story. No other Chess News Letter would. What most people don't realize is the Sarajevo Manuscript
is one of many holy epistles to our group.
We call ourselves Saher Al Shatrang (We could not find a translation).
I know you Americans laugh when I suggest the light of a full moon affects the way you think but many here do believe it.
Why can't you accept that Electromagnetic field coming from the
planets and stars can affect different portions of the brain? When Mercury starts its retrograde linear thinking weapons like
piling pin after pin in a chess game are best. We can use the pin motif during a game at that time as our most thematic weapon
and win more often. On a winter Balsamic moon's night (No moon) a chess technique called Domination is best.
It perhaps requiring the most ubiquitous brain activity. You may
laugh but studies show Grand Master use different parts of their brains then other players. Members of our group have included
Nikola Tesla as well as many inventors. There was a small cadre within the Saher Al Shatrang called the Tesla Council .
As leader of the Al-Biruni Council a majority school of thought within
Saher Al Shatrang I decreed, "But I say to you, the Tesla Council is wrong." That same year 1994 I began my campaign against
the users of the Confusion Ray device. I said to use astronomy is one thing but to secretly expose your opponent to artificially
produced electromagnetic rays to keep certain parts of his brain from figuring out positions.
That's almost cheating. You know what they did? They threw me out
of the group. I am now excommunicated.
I still play chess here but for some reason I seem to lose all
of my games. I cannot prove and teach the truths of our philosophies to people because I always lose. One day last month during
a game I had to run to the bathroom.
In the bathroom was one of the members of my old group dressed
in black. He had what looked like a miniature of a radar device that they use at the airport. I asked him what it was. He
said he was taking it home to use as an antenna for his T.V.
I then remembered where I saw him last. It was at a Category 19
tournament in Sarajevo in May of 1999. Apparently he was taking home a new antenna back then too and just happened take it
out of its packaging in the bathroom. I realized at that moment the Tesla Council had a vendetta against me and were trying
to get me to give up my first love chess.
Then when I heard, Vladimir Kramnik was able to draw Deep Fritz
in a tournament. I realized how powerful the Tesla heretics had become.
They must have used the device on Garry Kasparov five years ago when
he lost his a match to IBM's Deep Blue computer. No wonder he looked at his game afterward and said he was "ashamed" of the
way he played, having made obvious blunders. He claimed he could easily beat the computer. I think there were many technicians
wandering around at the time of his game. Supposedly tinkering with the program? They weren't all tinkering with the program.
Some were tinkering with Kasporovs mind. Probably from the bath room
like they have been doing with me all these years. Think of how much the CPU has improved after all these years. I feel the
reason Kramnik drew against Deep Fritz was they didn't let the tinkerers in this time. Please investigate."
Our Editor Brad Zang refused to form the investigation committee. He
said, "I don't want to sound condescending but Deep Blue analyzed, 40 times the number of positions a second, that Deep Fritz
did. I would also like to remind you all, while we welcome your contributions, it is our policy not to investigate Men in
Black, because, it is ridiculous idea based on a movie."