The League Of Extraordinary Chess Players
July 25 2002 Chess Playing Kangaroo people
Strange News from the Jax Chess News
The Queens Gambit Declined Slav Defense 1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6
End Game Lesson
Opening Lesson 1
Opening Lesson 2
Opening Lesson 3
Opening Lesson 4
Opening Lesson 5
Opening Lesson 6
Opening Lesson 7
Jacques Meises Dutch defence 1. d4 f5 2. g3 b6
The Staunton Gambit 1.d4 f5 2.e4
Scholastic pictures and crosstables

Chess Playing Kangaroo people has been reported


Strange Chess News by Bradley Zang
Chess Playing Kangaroo people has been reported! Chess players have always been at the forefront of new scientific ideas. Thomas Henry Huxley was one of the major founders of Darwinism. 
When Charles Darwin's book, the Origin of Species (1859) came out it startled Huxley like a surprise chess move. His words were, "How extremely stupid of me not to have thought of that." I don't want you to think chess players are on one side of the Darwinism issue. 
Perhaps the most famous anti Darwinist, William Jennings Bryan most thought provoking words were, "Issues must be met as they arise; they cannot be moved about at will like pawns upon a chess board."
 First let me throw a few Buzz words at you. So you can sound like an anthropologist to your friends. Darwinism is a theory of the origin and perpetuation of new species through action of natural selection and chance variation.
 Convergence is where creatures from different branches of the evolutionary tree those whose peculiarities made them separate long ago start looking and functioning like each other again. Australians are people who live upside down at the bottom of the world in a place they call Oz. Their Northern territory is renowned for having a politically powerful cadre of fanatical Darwinists called the Darwinist Pedantocracy . 
Some prefer the term Neo-Darwinists others' Social Darwinist. The capital of the Northern territory is even called Darwin. Quite remarkably the strongest anti Darwinism evidence more specifically the anti chance variation evidence comes from Australia. The argument centers around convergence. 
In Australia convergence in two different types of mammals, placentals and marsupials is the twister that drops a house on Darwinism. Humans as you know belong to the placental branch of mammals called hominids. 
In general Marsupials are visibly different from Placentals in two ways. 
1) Marsupial offspring are born very immature. The mother nourishes their newborns in a pouch till they are fully developed. 
2) Marsupials have two more pre molar teeth in a larger jaw than placentals.
 On this subject the Darwinist Pedantocracy has issued the hypothesis, " Marsupials and placental mammals diverged from a common ancestry of Early Cretaceous therians of metatherian-eutherian grade." Which just mean they seperated about 75 million years ago. The marsupials where mostly left alone for 75 million years from other mammals to evolve in Australia because after their migration to that continent it became an island. 
Examples of marsupial vs. placental convergence twin species are the Dunnart vs. the Mouse, the Quoll vs. the Cat, the Tasmanian Thylacine vs. the Wolf and the Cuscus vs. the Monkey. Think about it. 

The Cuscus is a marsupial version of a primate and almost a hominid. Convergence theory extrapolated to its logical conclusion predicts that marsupial humanoid forms evolve.
 If we ever found one, it would destroy the whole belief system of the fanatical Darwinist Pedantocracy.
 Why? Because it would indicate mans evolution was more than just a product of chance happenstance. Their might be a plan with more than one Yellow Brick Road for the creation of man at the inception of the world. They might even hide such findings behind a curtain. To add to the marsupial humanoid existence argument considers the recent archeological technique thermoluminecence dating some Australian pictographs at a minimum 75000 year's old. By all accounts this mean they were made 300 centuries before the fist placental humanoids visited Australia. 
Aboriginal mythology is 40000 years old no mythological system begins to get near that in age. It speaks of their first contact with strange beings called the Wongar in the time of Bamun (ancient times). 
In the Northeastern territory children are placed in pouches called ngainmara to honor the way these beings carried their children. There is even an aboriginal comming of age ritual of knocking out a tooth to get the jaw to swell to look like these beings. William Austen a Darwin city chess enthusiast claims, "I know about marsupial people but I'm not allowed to talk about it."
 Mark Ellensworth a Darwin chess competitor comments, "Convergence will someday prove the common chicken was not a member of same family that gave us Tyrannosaurus Rex. Ending a massive Godzilla like demonizing of T rex media campaign by the National Chicken Council to prevent sympathy for the plight of chickens. "
 With this background let Bill Aberfeldy tell you his story. "Thank goodness you are willing to hear my story no other reputable chess news letter would. FIDE even shut down Australia's access to their Web-site when I wrote them about these pouched ankle biters. Last Winter I'm playing chess at the Darwin chess club. (Cavenagh Street, Darwin city). Most of the players there seem uninterested in playing me. I had four abscessed wisdom teeth removed that day. My mouth was swollen and I felt and looked terrible. One Bloke with a rather large jaw did sit down to play me. He said, " Don't mind them, their vanity makes them want to play with people they consider good looking." After a few blitz games he invited me back to his house in the nearby town of Melaleuca about 30 Kilometers from Darwin. I agreed and followed his ute in my car to his home. We ended up playing chess all night. His rather unattractive over pregnant wife Shellia would politely refill my cuppa through this chess all nighter. I was about to try my Kings Gambit when suddenly I heard a baby crying. It was coming from below this loose fitting blouse worn by his wife. She quickly picked up the blouse and I saw some babies head sticking out of what looked like a slit in the skin of her belly. I said nothing, I learned form competitive chess never to show your surprise. I politely remarked, " It is dawn time to go home. " We all shook hands. I got to my car and drove away. Then quickly stopped at a gas station and asked where the nearest police station was. The attendant said it was 2 miles away. I went directly there. The police officer Jame Johnstone in charge of Melaleuca interviewed me. He appeared shocked by my story. 
He asked "Was my jaw swollen for some reason." When I told him why he seemed nervous. 
He said " Kangaroo people! I've always suspected it." He arranged for me to stay at a local hotel as a safe house until I was needed to testify about these Marsupial Humanoids to a grand jury. I complied because he promised a thorough investigation.
 Late that night he knocked at the door. When I opened it, two men in white jackets sedated me with some kind of injection. I woke up restrained in a mental institution. I eventually realized I had admit I had imagined the marsupial people to get out of there. It still took two weeks for me to get released. By the time I returned with the capital authorities from Darwin a different family was living in the home.
 None of the neighbors would admit this was a different family. There was a different police officer in charge Melaleuca. He claimed he never heard of officer James Johnstone." 
To investigate these strange happening I appointed a committee headed by Brad Zang Co-editors of the JCN.
 I read the committee's 150 page report and found 4 major flaws with it. 
1) They don't lock people in institutions for claiming their are Marsupial people. He presumably had other problems.
2) A logical explanation of the a different family being at the home when the Darwin authorities arrived is he mis remembered the address.
 3) A logical explanation of the alleged marsupial woman in question is she was a normal mother wearing some kind of halter that secured an infant in the front. Some of these devices are flesh colored. It is called a baby sling. 
4) The FIDE web and e mail sites did not shut down because of a few e-mails about marsupial people to them. 
They are involved in a dispute over the ownership and control of the FIDE URL. 
So I dismissed the committee.
 Respectfully submitted by Brad Zang Chairman , JCN Kangaroo People investigation Committee